Sequíssimas...

Dois litros de leite atravessaram a rua e foram atropelados. Um morreu, o outro não, porquê?
- Porque um deles era Longa Vida. *(áááiiii tristeza!!!)

Porque é que o elefante não pega fogo?
- Porque ele ja é cinza. *(sem comentários)

O que é que a galinha foi fazer na igreja?
- Assistir à Missa do Galo. *(há- há - há...)

Como é que as enzimas se reproduzem?
- Fica uma enzima da outra.... *(Loooool...)

Por que o galo canta de olhos fechados?
- Porque ele já sabe a letra da música de cor.

O Batman pegou no seu bat-sapato social e no seu bat-blazer. Onde ele foi?
-A um Bat-zado. *(dahhhh!!!)

Como é que o o Batman faz para que abram a bat-caverna?
- Ele bat-palma. *(Uauuuu... fantástico!)

Como se faz uma omelete de chocolate?
- Com ovos de páscoa ! *(lindo!!)

Por que é que na Argentina as Vacas vivem a olhar para o céu?
- Porque tem 'Boi nos Ares'! *(esta ganha a todas!!!!!)

Para que servem óculos verdes?
- Para verde perto... *(acho que vou me matar)

Para que servem óculos vermelhos?
- Para vermelhor... *(Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!)

Por que a mulher do Hulk se divorciou dele?
- Porque ela queria um homem mais maduro... *(GET IT?)

Já conheces a piada do fotógrafo?
- Ainda não foi revelada. *(tão O R I G I N A L)

Como se diz top-less em chinês?
- Xem-chu-tian. *(ááááiiiii, meu Deus!!!!)

Sabes qual a diferença entre uma lagoa e uma padaria?
- Na lagoa há sapinho, e na padaria 'assa pão'. *(nãããããããão!!!)

O que é que um cromossoma diz para o outro?
- Cromossomos bonitos! *(xxxxiiii...)

Retirado de Com Piada

The Smile Couple

O sorriso de Monalisa

13 Social Rules

The Rules of Life
by Richard Templar

Social Rules

1 We’re all closer than you think

2 It doesn’t hurt to forgive

3 It doesn’t hurt to be helpful

4 Take pride in what we do collectively

5 What’s in it for them?

6 Hang out with positive people

7 Be generous with your time and information

8 Get involved

9 Keep the moral high ground

10 Have a plan for your career

11 Learn to see your community as part of a bigger picture

12 Look at the long-term ramifications of what you do for a living

13 Be good at your job

13 Rules for Family & Friends

The Rules of Life

by Richard Templar

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Family and Friends Rules

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1 If you are going to be a friend, be a good friend

2 Never be too busy for loved ones

3 Let your kids mess up for themselves – they don’t need any help from you

4 Have a little respect and forgiveness for your parents

5 Give your kids a break

6 Never lend money unless you are prepared to write it off

7 There are no bad children

8 Be up around people you love

9 Give your kids responsibilities

10 Your children need to fall out with you to leave home

11 Your kid will have friends you don’t like

12 Your role as a child

13 Your role as a parent

Surfing the Net for carrots

Hands in Face

Optimismo

El término optimismo surge del latín "optimum": "lo mejor". El término fue usado por primera vez para referirse a la doctrina sostenida por el filósofo alemán Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz en su obra Ensayos de Teodicea sobre la bondad de Dios, la libertad del hombre y el origen del mal (Amsterdam, 1710), según la cual el mundo en el que vivimos es el mejor de los mundos posibles.

Comúnmente se cree que Voltaire fue el primero en usar la palabra en 1759, como subtítulo a su cuento filosófico Cándido (en el que se burla en casi cada página de la idea de Leibniz). Ciertamente Voltaire fue el primer personaje famoso que usó aquella palabra en el siglo XVIII y quizá también el que la popularizó; no fue, sin embargo, su inventor.

El término "optimismo" aparece por primera vez, en francés (“optimisme”), en una reseña de la Teodicea publicada en el magazín de los jesuitas franceses Journal de Trévoux (no. 37), en 1737. En ese mismo año, el filósofo y matemático suizo Jean-Pierre de Crousaz repitió la palabra en un examen crítico del Ensayo sobre el hombre de Alexander Pope.

Aquellos primeros usos, como el posterior de Voltaire, fueron burlones. En 1752, el Dictionnaire universel de Trévoux aprueba el término; diez años después, la Academia francesa lo incluye por primera vez en su Dictionnaire. El término es usado por primera vez en inglés ("optimism") en 1743 por el británico William Warburton, en una respuesta al examen de Crousaz arriba mencionado. Por su parte, los primeros en usar el término en alemán ("Optimismus") fueron Gotthold Ephraim Lessing y Moses Mendelssohn, en su escrito Pope: ¡un metafísico! de 1755. Wikipedia

Women in Art

16 Rules for Partners

The Rules of Life
by Richard Templar

Partnership Rules

1 Accept the differences, embrace what you have in common

2 Allow your partner the space to be themselves

3 Be nice

4 You want to do what?

5 Be the first to say sorry

6 Go that extra step in trying to please them

7 Always have someone – or something – that is pleased to see you
8 Know when to listen and when to act

9 Have a passion for your life together

10 Make sure your love making is making love

11 Keep talking

12 Respect privacy

13 Check you both have the same shared goals

14 Treat your partner better than your best friend

15 Contentment is a high aim

16 You don’t both have to have the same rules

Have a dogeous day!

50 Rules for You

The Rules of Life

by Richard Templar

Rules for You

1 Keep it under your hat
2 You’ll get older but not necessarily wiser
3 Accept what is done is done
4 Accept yourself
5 Know what counts and what doesn’t
6 Dedicate your life to something
7 Be flexible in your thinking
8 Take an interest in the outside world
9 Be on the side of the angels, not the beasts
10 Only dead fish swim with the stream
11 Be the last to raise your voice
12 Be your own adviser
13 No fear, no surprise, no hesitation, no doubt
14 I wish I’d done that – and I will
15 Count to ten – or recite ‘Baa baa black sheep’
16 Change what you can change, let go of the rest
17 Aim to be the very best at everything you do – not second best
18 Don’t be afraid to dream
19 Don’t dwell on the past
20 Don’t live in the future
21 Get on with life – it’s whooshing past
22 Dress like today is important
23 Have a belief system
24 Have a little space for yourself each day
25 Have a plan
26 Have a sense of humour
27 Choose how you make your bed
28 Life can be a bit like advertising
29 Get used to stepping outside your comfort zone
30 Learn to ask questions
31 Have dignity
32 It’s OK to feel big emotions
33 Keep the faith
34 You’ll never understand everything
35 Know where true happiness comes from
36 Know when to let go – when to walk away
37 Look after yourself
38 Maintain good manners in all things
39 Prune your stuff frequently
40 Remember to touch base
41 Draw the lines around yourself
42 Shop for quality, not price
43 It’s OK to worry, or to know how not to
44 Stay young
45 Throwing money at a problem doesn’t always work
46 Think for yourself
47 You are not in charge
48 Have something in your life that takes you out of yourself
49 Only the good feel guilty
50 If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all

KittyKat

Bill Gate's 11 Rules of Life

BILL GATES' SPEECH TO MT. WHITNEY HIGH SCHOOL in Visalia, California.

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this!

To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice. Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair -- get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping -- they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Genghis Khat

Ousar...

"Os jovens não sabem o suficiente para serem prudentes e contudo tentam o impossível... e alcançam-no, geração após geração." Pearl S. Buck

Segredo n.º5: Quando a vida está num impasse, OUSE!

Preocupação não ajuda

"Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything." Mary (Mrs. Ernest) Hemingway

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